Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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