Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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