he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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