we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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