my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
