you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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