3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
