Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
