I just made out with a guy for $7.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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