You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
