This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
