soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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