If i come over, it means nothing
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
