Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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