Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
