Jerry, you need to find god
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
