ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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