he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
