First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize