Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  He disabled his match.com account in front of me

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  (917): He disabled his match.com account in front of me http://tfl.nu/yzdn
  Replies (7) Good night (1553) Bad night (648)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed

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  (336): i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed http://tfl.nu/dxga
  Replies (20) Good night (5100) Bad night (1222)
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  (310): View more from California

  He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday

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  (310): He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday http://tfl.nu/b2jq
  Replies (11) Good night (3161) Bad night (1368)
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  (805): View more from California

  My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.

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  (805): My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore. http://tfl.nu/yzqd
  Replies (9) Good night (2157) Bad night (1245)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.

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  (312): Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell. http://tfl.nu/6wbo
  Replies (4) Good night (1962) Bad night (632)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.

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  (304): You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate. http://tfl.nu/m6lj
  Replies (6) Good night (2387) Bad night (696)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session

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  (563): Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session http://tfl.nu/02xz
  Replies (2) Good night (620) Bad night (950)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.

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  (443): He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever. http://tfl.nu/42ep
  Replies (5) Good night (450) Bad night (1680)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.

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  (857): Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works. http://tfl.nu/hgbu
  Replies (5) Good night (2195) Bad night (971)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?

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  (937): I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date? http://tfl.nu/q2p4
  Replies (7) Good night (528) Bad night (2113)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.

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  (720): Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me. http://tfl.nu/g5ss
  Replies (3) Good night (672) Bad night (443)
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  (661): View more from California

  Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing

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  (661): Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing http://tfl.nu/34wv
  Replies (4) Good night (959) Bad night (410)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.

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  (541): If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick. http://tfl.nu/cd0z
  Replies (2) Good night (667) Bad night (343)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!

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  (630): I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend. (419): You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED! http://tfl.nu/6dil
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (479)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?

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  (602): He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered? http://tfl.nu/3ecf
  Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (258)

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