i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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