Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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