Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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