Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
