Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
