i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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