I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
