please come you make the beer taste better
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
