my being single is dangerous.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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