His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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