I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
