Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize