She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
