Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
