you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
