I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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