You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
