I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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