you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
