It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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