Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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