apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
