I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He passed out mid-signature
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
