Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
