I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
