I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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