I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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