Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
