This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
