"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
