drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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