then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
