the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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