I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
