We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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