i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
