Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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