I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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