i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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