WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
