It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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