I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
